Blue-eyed Boy

Well, it happened - my husband and I finally welcomed our beautiful baby boy into the world on August 7th, 2017. Jack Taylor Carnahan was welcomed into our family at 3:58 in the morning after just under 6 hours of labor from start to finish. Our little man weighed in at 8 pounds and 5 ounces, even with being 2 weeks earlier than expected, and is the happiest, most even tempered baby that there ever was. (I'm not biased at all.) ;)

Before Jack was born, Ryan and I had decided that I would give birth at home, and I had decided many, many years ago that I wanted to have a natural birth. Thankfully for us there were no complications with my pregnancy, and we were able to go ahead with the birth as planned. I couldn't have asked for a better experience for birthing our first child into the world. Our midwife was amazing, my husband was an incredible support to me through all of the pain, and we ended up with a perfect and healthy little bundle when all was said and done. We could not be more thankful for a smooth and quick delivery without any complications.

Since day one of finding out that we were going to have a baby, we prayed over my pregnancy, delivery, and our little boy's life; and Jesus certainly answered our prayers. We are so, so thankful, and so happy with our little family.

Isn't he just beautiful?

I can't wait for all of the years to come of being this boy's mama. He has completely stolen my heart.

It's funny; while I was pregnant I loved him so much, yet as much as I loved him without even knowing him, I cannot help but love him all the more now that I'm able to hold him in my arms. My heart has never been so full. Not to mention that I have completely fallen in love with my husband all over again just by watching him love on our boy. I love that man.

Little one, you are a treasure. Your mama and your daddy love you beyond measure; and as much as we love you, know that God loves and cherishes you more than we ever could. I can't wait to teach you about Jesus alongside of your daddy, and watch you grow up into a man who loves our God. I'm so excited to see what life brings you, and watch God's plans for you unfold.

I love you Jack,
Love Mommy.

Can't Help but Love You

It's been quite a while since I've sat down and written a blog post, mainly because I have been running around like a mad woman in preparation for the arrival of our son these last few months, and have had absolutely no inspiration to write about anything but him. However each and every time that I start to write anything it comes out all wrong (I call pregnancy brain) and I end up deleting everything and just giving up. There are so many thoughts floating around in my head but I cannot seem to get them to translate onto paper; or in this case web document.

I feel like all I'm good at these days is napping, eating, and lounging. Seriously though, my body aches all the time, my feet are swollen up like balloons, and I haven't had a decent night's sleep in months. This tank is running on empty, and I am losing my mind.

I've heard it said that the third trimester is all about endurance; truer words have never been spoken. At this stage in the game (I'm 37 weeks!) I feel like a swollen up milk machine with really bad eye bags. Not to mention the mood swings have been hitting me full force this last week and I seem to cry about everything all over again, which just makes those eye bags worse. Yay hormones! Luckily I have an incredible support system in my husband, Ryan. In the moments where I feel like I am truly a basket case, he seems to always have a way of making me laugh and taking my mind off of whatever it is that has me feeling like an emotional wreck. If he thinks I'm crazy, he's never let me believe it and has always made me feel a little bit closer to sanity than I probably actually am. He's a real keeper.

After working 60 hours a week, this man still comes home to help me with dishes, laundry, dinner, you name it. He takes time to make sure that I have help when I need it, even if I've been home all day and had all the time in the world to get things done. He's such a giver in so many ways, and I could not be more in love with him for it. His heart is incredible, and I am so grateful to God that he's mine forever.

Honey, thank you for rubbing my feet, massaging my shoulders, and taking care of my emotional needs even when I make our world a little bit crazy. I love you with everything that I am, and will continue to love you for as long as I live.

-Kelsey

Thankful

If you know me or my husband Ryan, it's likely that you know the gist of our story. We met over two years ago online and became instant friends. There was a mutual "like" between both of us, but after a few months of talking, I rejected him because I wasn't ready for a relationship. We remained friends, but obviously cut back on our conversation time. Fast forward some months later and Ryan expressed his interest yet again. I once again rejected him. We ended up getting into a fight over who knows what (neither one of us can remember) and ended up not speaking for about 6 months. At that point I thought for sure that we were not friends anymore - and certainly that we didn't like each other. Finally, one of us (and I can't remember who) swallowed our pride and apologized. We slowly began speaking again, but there was nothing serious there; just friendship. Fast forward another few months and Ryan told me again that he was interested in me. This time, not only did I tell him that his interests were not reciprocated, but I also let him know that if we could not be friends without him expecting anything more, that we shouldn't be friends. That was all it took for him to be completely hands off and accept that all we would ever have between us was a genuine friendship and nothing more. That was until my heart changed. ;)

During the time that we had known each other, our friendship was solely based on Skype chats, text messages, and phone calls; we had never met in person face to face. That changed the weekend after memorial day back in 2016. Ryan drove out to my neck of the woods and we spent the day at the lake getting to finally experience personal interaction. That was all it took for me to fall head over heels for him. After that day, my heart toward him had changed in a very big way, and the rest is history. We started dating, and within the next 3 months we found ourselves outside with friends and family pledging our lives to one another. I'll never forget that day.

I tell you all of this simply to say that I am so thankful.

When I think about our story, I think to myself that there were so many reasons why we could have ended up with other people and living totally different lives than the one that we've been blessed with. When I think about where we came from, and what it took to get us to where we are, all I can think about is how thankful to God I am that his sovereignty wins out over our stubbornness, and our life choices. I'm reminded that even if it takes a while (2 years in our case) God will not give up on bringing you to where he has designed you to be.

I'm so glad that God wins out, and that we were blessed with each other. I couldn't ask for a better husband and father to our baby boy than Ryan. Had it been solely up to me, I don't know where I'd be - but I'm sure glad that I'm not in control, and that God has a way better plan for my life than I ever could have dreamt of for myself.

-Kelsey

Hard Work & Humility

Working hard runs in my blood. I grew up in a family where you had to work for what you had, and if you didn't then you went without. My parents instilled in me that hard work is one of the most valuable attributes that I as an individual can possess, and to this day I still hold to that truth.

I grew up watching my daddy break his back day in and day out to provide for us, and put food on our table. I've never known anyone who works as hard as my dad does and gives their all 100% of the time. My mama is no different. She sacrificed so many things for my brother and I while we were growing up. Life in our world was not always an easy ride, but she never wavered in her strength and determination to give us all that she had to give. 

So when I say I'm no stranger to hard work, I mean it. I'm not afraid to break a sweat, shed a little blood and tears, and get my hands dirty.

Humility on the other hand... I've never been great at being humble. I wouldn't say that I'm arrogant or haughty in the least, but humility never crosses my mind when I think about the qualities that I possess. I tend to be stubborn, a little hot-headed, and incredibly competitive. I find that most of the time, these qualities are my strengths and the very legs that I stand on in life.

Having this sort of background, when I got married, I thought that I truly understood what marriage was going to look like. I knew that it would take a lot of hard work; and I also knew that it would take every ounce of humility that I have - but nothing could have ever prepared me for how difficult marriage can actually be, how hard I would really have to work at it, and how humble I would truly have to become to succeed in it. In the short 6 months that I've been married, I've learned so much. I've learned that it's not all about me and what I want, and also, I sometimes really suck at playing fair. But the most valuable lesson I could ever learn is that it's better to give than it is to take.

I thought that I was so prepared for marriage, and to work hard, and that my husband and I would have such an easy ride together. I thought that as long as we were together and loved each other, that would always be enough to make our marriage work and last. 

WRONG! 

Marriage is not all rainbows and butterflies just because you love each other.   Not.At.All. It's all about giving - there is no 'taking' when you commit yourself to someone else. When you're married, your only focus should be giving to that person day in and day out. Talk about a reality check when we had our first fight as a married couple. I wanted so badly to be 'right' and make Ryan feel the weight of how he'd hurt and upset me. I wanted to win. But the beautiful thing about marriage, especially one centered around God, is that I have come to realize, that even in the arguments where I am wrong, and I have to admit it, I'm still victorious. I still walk away a winner, because when I'm humble and can admit defeat, and give up on my pride, it brings me closer to Jesus, and it brings me closer to my husband.

I've always had the mindset of 'You get out of it what you put into it". I cannot begin to tell you how true that is of marriage, but also how different it is in marriage. Marriage is definitely a team effort and there is always going to be a little give and a little take; but when I think about the end goal of staying married, growing together as one with my husband, and truly exemplifying Jesus in our life together, my only priority is to be a giver.

My version of hard work was always physical, and my idea of humility was that it was always hard. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that hard work is not always about what you physically do, and being humble isn't always a chore. In fact, the longer that I walk out this crazy ride that we've embarked on, the easier it is for me to be humble, and the less and less I feel that I have to work really hard at it. There are still going to be days when I am defeated, and there are still going to be nights that I argue with my husband - but thankfully, the longer that we live and grow together, the better we get. :)

-Kelsey

A Look in the Mirror

I’ve often heard it said that ‘Happy girls are the prettiest’. I honestly cannot tell you how many times I have heard and seen those words; and every time that I do, I’m taken back to my childhood. I’m taken back to the mirror in our bathroom, and my sour reflection staring back at me from the glass.

When I was a kid, I had a serious attitude problem. (Who would have thought, right!?) Whenever I was in a bad mood, and looking absolutely misshapen, my mother - God bless her - would send me straight into our bathroom to look at my face in the mirror. She would immediately point out how grumpy I looked, and ask me, ‘Do you see how ugly that is?’ I did, EVERY time. Shortly after staring at my horrible reflection, (and sometimes not so shortly after) Mama would tell me to smile, and we would stand in front of that mirror until I did. Each and every time, my face would instantly lift, and my mother would tell me how 'pretty' that looked in comparison to the sour pucker that had previously camped out on my face.

When I was a kid, I had a lot of days that I needed to look in the mirror and let that forced smile overtake me. Almost instantaneously over the years, that fake smile became genuine and would always brighten my mood. To this day, when I am in a bad mood and feeling absolutely wretched, I look in the mirror and remember my mom’s words: ‘Do you see how ugly that is?’ I always do, and I ALWAYS smile.

See, our attitude is a choice. We have a choice every day to let external circumstances define who we are for the day, or to look in the mirror and put a smile on our face. I personally would like for people to look at me and be in a better mood, just because I chose to smile. A smile can go a long way, folks. Even when we don’t feel happy; if we can smile anyway, genuine happiness almost always finds us.

Now I’m not saying I’m perfect or that rainbows and butterflies radiate from my being; I’ll be the first to tell you that I can be pretty foul some days, but even still, my attitude is my choice. Even when I don’t feel like it, I’m going to choose to smile; because happy girls really are the prettiest - both inside and out.

-Kelsey

Hormonal and Loving it

A good cry once in a while can be so therapeutic for the soul - healthy even, but crying all the time? Talk about exhausting!

Lately I feel like I can't stop crying and frankly it's just making me even more emotional than I already am. Like the other day I opened the cupboard under our kitchen sink to get a new garbage bag for our trash can, only to find that my husband - bless his heart - had moved all of my cleaners around to make room for some homemade wine he's recently started brewing. For no reason at all I dropped to my knees and WEPT. Not just a few tears here and there, oh no, but a flood like I've never experienced before - why? Because my cleaners had been moved.

Just recently I was washing our laundry and I pulled one of those convenient little 'Tide Pods' out to pop it in the washer. As I was doing so I happened to notice that the design on this particular pod was crooked and you guessed it - I cried. OVER LAUNDRY DETERGENT!

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What on earth happened to the strong, independent girl that could always hold her own and manage her emotions? What happened to the capable young woman I used to be that could always 'get a grip' when something bothered her? I'll tell you what: pregnancy that's what.

Being pregnant has taken my once solid and stoic persona and turned it into a tub of gelatinous goo. I feel like the most unstable human being on the planet, and to make it worse I know that the things I cry over are ridiculous - which just makes me cry even more because I feel like I have no control over my emotional balance. Honestly it's pathetic. One day you go from being a strong, level headed individual and then BAM! You find out you're pregnant, your hormones kick in, and you lose it.

Let me just be blunt for a second - hormones suck. Haha
The only, and I do mean ONLY upside to this, is that at the end of these 9 emotional months, I get to finally have the dream of motherhood become a reality. The downside? I don't think these hormones will ever go away! But all in all, I'll take being a blubbering mess over the strong individual that I once was if it means I get to be a mama at the end of it, any day of the week.

I really am excited for parenthood. I've truly never wanted anything more than to be a wife (check) and a mother. (almost check) Honestly right now, I'm perfectly content with being an emotional and slightly neurotic woman while I watch my belly grow, and glow over the little life growing inside of me. There's nothing better than this. :)

-Kelsey

Whom Have I?

My taste in music has such a wide range, but my all time favorite has to be really good worship music. There is nothing that lifts my spirit more than giving praise to Jesus, and for me, music is the easiest way to do that.

I was listening to one of my favorites the other day (you can listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ci31hEQinBA) and I couldn't help but just listen to the lyrics and think about how true they should be. The song starts out with 'Whom have I in Heaven but you, God? There is none on this earth that I desire besides you, Lord.' All I could think while listening to those words was, "Do I really believe this to be true in my life?" At that present moment I felt convicted because I know that there are so many things in my life that more often than not, get in the way of my relationship with Jesus. I know that there are days, weeks, and months even when anyone could take a look at my life and see that I am not living a life that screams 'I LOVE JESUS!' That thought breaks my heart.

I want to be an authentic Christian. I want my relationship with Jesus to be so real and genuine that my love for him permeates throughout my daily life. I fail at my walk with the Lord daily; hourly even - but the beautiful thing about the gospel and about God's love for me, is that when I am weak He is strong. When I fail at walking out my faith, I can look to a God whose love for me is not conditional upon my ability to serve him and reach perfection, and rest in knowing that His mercies for me are new each day.

I forget who said it, but there's a quote floating around out there that goes something like this, "The Christian walk is falling and getting up, all the way to Heaven." I cannot tell you how encouraging that is - to know that I'm not the only one who struggles, and that I am continually being sanctified and redeemed by a God who would take up the cross all over again just for me, knowing that I would fail him.

'Hear my Cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy. Let me dwell in your tent forever! Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings! For you, O God, have heard my vows; you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.'
-Psalm 61:1-5

-Kelsey

Just a Suggestion

Okay, so I started reading a book. It’s usually not my preferred method of entertainment, or relaxation for that matter, but at the suggestion of my daughter I ordered the book, Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Along with my beautiful daughter in law, Maddie, the three of us gals embarked on a ‘girls only’ Bible Study where we read separately during the week and then have a three-way call on the weekend to discuss each chapter.

Let me tell you something. What he writes in just the first two chapters has actually changed my spiritual walk, and I’m now going to start the same Bible Study with my church family during the week. I don’t know how anyone could read only as far as I have and not get something incredible out of it. If you apply it, it could actually be life-changing, and that is my hope for everyone joining me in the second study.

Please don’t misunderstand me. I am neither promoting or ‘not’ promoting Francis Chan, because I do enjoy his teachings and believe him to be truly grounded theologically when I hear him speak, or read quotes or other articles by him. But, he is simply just an instrument used by God to write and teach the things he does. Crazy Love is no exception, and yet I am grateful for his heart and wisdom on subjects that he tackles, like the ‘relentless love of God’ in this book. I know he would not want my applause, but I am thankful for men like him who truly love God and want to share what they’ve gleaned through their study and spending time in the Word. Thank you for that, Mr. Chan.

If I’ve peaked your interest, or made you a little hungry to get started in a study of your own, let me encourage you to get going. You won’t be sorry, or regret it. Well, at least I don’t know how you could be. The chapters are easy, and you won’t want to stop in-between each one, but you’ll need to in order to reflect and make the most of them. There’s an accompanying workbook, Living Crazy Love, which you can go through too, if you want a more in-depth study - I’ve got both. I cannot wait to dive into the next chapter, and I’m hoping that someone out there will have gotten just enough inspiration to join me wherever you are!

-Leanne

Sleepless in Mill Creek

This week my husband was unexpectedly called away on a business trip to Hawaii. He was at work and the boss told him they needed him to fly out that night, and that his flight left at 5PM so he should go home and pack a bag. Talk about sudden!

When Ryan got the news he called me to let me know that he was on his way home and that he would be leaving in the next couple of hours. He also told me that he didn't know when he would be coming back - that this trip was open ended and no return ticket had been purchased.
For a hormonal pregnant lady like myself, this was a huge surprise and sent me spiraling down into a pit of emotion; I was going to miss him so much. Needless to say, tears were shed, and as he packed up his bag I couldn't help but miss him already - I absolutely HATE it when we are apart.

The first night that he was gone was horrible for me. I tossed and turned in bed ALL. NIGHT. LONG.
It's funny how when you're first married, you have to adjust to sleeping with another person in your bed, and for the first few weeks or months you just don't sleep good because suddenly all of this extra space that you used to have has been taken up by another body. You worry about moving around in the night and keeping your spouse awake, you have to get used to their snoring, and sometimes you even have to get used to them hitting you in the face in the middle of the night. (This was all true of my first month with Ryan) But now, after those initial weeks of marriage, I find myself not being able to sleep without him next to me. We don't cuddle while we sleep, so his absence shouldn't make that much of a difference at night, but I've grown so accustomed to hearing him breathe while he falls asleep. I've gotten used to his little twitches and movements in the night, and the way he snores ever so slightly when he's in a really deep sleep. Without him next to me at night, I feel like a part of myself is missing, and it's the strangest feeling.

The other part of my misery has come from this glorious time of year called Spring. We live near a nature reserve and right behind our home is a pond and walking trails. Currently that pond is filled with thousands of frogs that like to sing and chirp and ribbit every single night, all night. With Ryan gone, and these frogs going absolutely crazy, my mind couldn't and wouldn't shut off so that I could sleep. So it looks like this week I will be running on no sleep, hot tea, and a whole lot of Jesus.

I cannot wait until my hubby comes home.

-Kelsey

In the Beginning...

When I first mentioned to Kelsey that we should do a blog together, it was only halfhearted. Little did I know that she'd be all over it. She instantly jumped on it!

The whole idea started by sending her a picture of the leftover paint peeled from a disposable paint tray. When I did, she loved it and wanted me to mail it to her. I told her I was actually thinking of doing that, knowing she'd love it. I said we were crazy and asked 'who sends their daughter paint scraps? And who asks for them? And maybe we should start a mother-daughter adventure blog!'  Her immediate response was, "Can we please!!???"  And those words reeled me in.

My mind began filling with questions; 'how will I find the time to write? Will this really work? Will anyone read it? Can we agree on a name, page design, or articles?'  We began brainstorming and decided to give it a go as soon as all of our ducks were in a row.  I'm still not sure that they are, but nevertheless, here we are!  And as they say, "Let the fun begin!"


-Leanne